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not my first rodeo but my first time at *this* rodeo

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Huh it restored that title from a "saved draft" that I don't remember writing. But there it is, the title.
I think I started and aborted a post a while back, but alas, that title is all that remains.

Home sick from work today with a cough that can't stop won't stop. Hack. It's the kind that means you can't catch a breath. Every time I take a sick day I feel like I'm a total phony but Z sort of yelled at me for being that way. Spraining my ankle taught me that I feel that way even when I am really hurt-- I kept thinking my ankle was faking it and if I weren't such a drama queen I'd be able to walk on it. And then I was like... ... how can my ankle be capable of subterfuge? it's an ankle.
Today what got me to actually call in was the fact that I have miserable period cramps and just the thought of sitting in my incredibly-uncomfortable desk chair at work was making me want to cry.

So i am definitely insane. And it is still winter, and still dark, and I still can't get out of the seasonal depressions, and it is soooo annoying. It's literally painful sometimes to make myself get off the couch and do things, and just overwhelming to contemplate things like, y'know, the dishes, making appointments, seeing people I like for activities I enjoy, man. What a hassle. The house is a disaster and I am so tired; January's resolution to just put my head down and power through it is reaaaaaaalllllly getting old right about now. You cannot put your head down and just power through your entire life. There has to be something that you actually live through and enjoy. Bah.
I'm not sad, at all; I've slightly changed jobs and actually enjoy being at work, somewhat, more now than before. (Am I paid more? No. That's the downside; slightly less actually, except that I'm working more hours so therefore at my same hourly wage minus commissions [which were never more than a couple of bucks a week) I'm taking home more money, because I'm not home as much. Yadda yadda. I just wish I could get back up to the ten bucks an hour I was making at my previous worst-ever job. My W-2 embarrasses me every year.)

I've been writing a lot but it's all Stargate Atlantis shit. I have no idea why, but it's latched onto my brain and I have an entire thesis based on this mid-2000s slightly-cheesy scifi show being a perfect canvas for portraying the struggles of modern life. The thing is, the show was based around a sort of boring cliched Hero guy, a rakish Air Force Major With A Shady Past, starring a really, really pretty actor who was pretty obviously cast for his gorgeous jaw and beautiful smirk. And it turns out the actor was a total wacko, and played the guy so goddamn weirdly that he completely misses the cliche and turns out to be this incredibly interesting and bizarre character. I don't feel like the writing is particularly inspired in this series-- it's fine, it's entertaining, but it's not deep. And yet over the years it was on the air and since it has inspired some really incredible fanworks. Possibly because it was a spinoff of another earlier and partially concurrent series that had a venerable and imaginative fandom? I don't know. I was aware of it at the time, and such literary powerhouses as aesc who I've known personally since undergrad wrote heavily for it, but I didn't get into it until I finally read the novels my favorite author ever marthawells wrote for it.
Which I know I discussed on here earlier, I'm just recapping, mostly for myself, since it's been like... a year.
Anyway. So I'm still doing that. And in an attempt to get myself to use LJ more, since my brain worked better when I was here (or maybe that's nostalgia telling me that), I'm going to post fragments and WIPs on here. I've got semi-complete and almost polished (ha) stories posted on AO3, which I've linked to from here before, but I don't want to put incomplete things up there. Well, not ones I don't know if I'll finish.

So there's the plan.
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On March 11th, 2014 03:05 pm (UTC), kkatowll commented:
I'm glad you're back on LJ! And writing! If reality seems unreal, surely there's security in imagination.
And I 'm happy to hear of your better job...though not the pay. Still! Sitting! That's something.
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